Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
