he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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