I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
