i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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