Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
