My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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