So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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