last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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