similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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