I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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