I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
