Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
