What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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