I just saw a hot homeless man
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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