i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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