between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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