Me. At least after what I've been through.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
50% drunk capacity currently
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
