Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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