I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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