I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
