Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
