I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I need a burrito and a hug.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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