Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
