Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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