Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
