My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
