Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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