im drinking this country out of the recession.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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