I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
