I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
