About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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