Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
