so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
