and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
