you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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