Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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