No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
