JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
