It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
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I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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