I think I am morally bankrupt
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
