when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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