we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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