you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
