ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
