Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
