the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize