Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
