I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize
