Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
