I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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