so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
did i just pee glitter
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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