dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
false alarm. still invincible.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
