I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
