i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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