Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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