Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
